Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
