Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
