Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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