THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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