And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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