I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
