Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
