3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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