ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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