ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
