My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
