Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
