let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
