and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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