I'm so fucking centered right now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize