yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
