Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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