it was like his penis was on wheels.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
