yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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