I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
