Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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