Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
