Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
