Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
