he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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