You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
