Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
