Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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