a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
