i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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