Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
