Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
