she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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