Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
