Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
