The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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