She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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