I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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