Swine flu. Run for my life!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
