id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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