What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You may now shotgun with the bride
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
