Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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