oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
