Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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