The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
