If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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