I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
