I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
