You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
