We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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