soooo we both peed the bed last night...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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