if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize