Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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