woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
