Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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