garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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