no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
