I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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